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 Alright, you guys. I’m basically packed. Just need to get my hair straightened, and pack my power cords and we are good to go. I’ve made the executive decision to not bring my laptop so I will not be updating this blog until next week sometime. Keep your eye out on my twitter, cause I’m sure I’ll be blowing that up, thanks to instagram. Wish me luck ya’ll. I twisted my ankle this afternoon. I can walk on it, but who knows if it will be runable by Sunday.
Portland Rock and Roll Marathon: Be gentle. But mostly, please be fun.
Where have I been, you ask?Oh, I’ve been a twitterin’ fool. I’ve been around. But I haven’t been… present.  My new helmet. Its pretty sweet. Now, to get my new bike. Lets air out some laundry, let go of some deep dark secrets (which may neither be deep, nor dark.)
 I think I’m just experiencing burnout. Hopefully my vacation and half marathon will be exciting and leave me feeling refreshed and ready to tackle Chicago. If not, well, then its time for a new goal.In an effort to keep things positive around here, not all things that have happened in the last week or so have sucked.
Things I’m looking forward to:
Posting will probably be a little sporadic until I return from my trip but since I’ll be gearing up for the Chicago Marathon, I will try to be more on task with my posts as to keep myself in line. I know I’m capable. I just need to expect more of myself. Today was the last of three days of training. No, I didn’t do super awesome workout training stuff. I wish it had been that. Instead it was an intensive Youth Workshop and how to interact with them. Overall, most of the information didn’t really apply to me because I work on an individual basis with them, and this workshop focused on groups. I did enjoy the change of my routine however, because it made me appreciate just how much I love my job. I think last week I was complaining about how boring I felt it was, so I think I needed this break, but boy do I never want to leave. I don’t think I’d last a day anywhere else. All of the participants seemed so stressed. In other news, I was eating some cookies this evening while waiting for the bus. While I was eating them, I wondered why I had bought them. I had plenty of sugary snacks that day, so its not like I needed anymore. A thought passed that I deserved it for getting through the day. Of course it occured to me that really isn’t the case, and what I really needed was water because I was parched, but I didn’t try to buy or go out of my way for it. I keep saying, or at least thinking that I need to focus more on what I’m eating. Keeping track using myfitnesspal is good start, but if I’m shoveling food, then it doesn’t count because I’m not aware of the action. I feel ready to be mindful now. I have been feeling very sluggish lately, like there isn’t enough sleep in the world to placate me. I don’t like it. I want to be filled with energy and excitement, and right now, in this minute, all I want to do is lay my head down. So on that note, here are some pictures I took over the last few days if you missed the twitter feed.  Bathroom shot this morning. The bandana reminds me of one of my friends and I meant to share it with her but then I didn't, cause I was tired.
 Super bored while waiting for class to start. There is the vestiges of snow, and mountains. So beautiful out today.
 Puppies! They greeted me on my way home yesterday after the training.  Found this super awesome store that carries my size in most things, including ASICS! I bought a new pair of shoes, socks and a new bra! If you're in Anchorage, its located in Mt. View. The owner is super sweet, so go spend some money there and support your local economy! What is the best weekend ever? The best weekend ever is kicking off on Thursday with Eddie Izzard, then sneaking out early on Friday to relax with a movie, followed by Body Pump Saturday morning. After Body Pump there was the most deadly crepe for breakfast (remind me that I never need to eat that much sugar for breakfast again, please) followed by the most exciting voicemail ever. It said, “Hey! We’re coming down from Fairbanks so you better be home! And we’re bringing the dog!”  Me and Leanne at Beluga Point My bestie and former roommate Leanne, and her husband Ronnie just moved back to Alaska and decided to come down to visit! We had pizza at Bear Tooth for dinner, and then headed back to my apartment for some good ol’ fashioned drinking and movies. We have since turned into quite lightweights and plus Leanne is pregnant so midnight rolled around and we went to bed. We spent the night catching up and remembering all the fun times we used to have and for the first time in nearly a year, I was happy to be in my house. It was awesome. Henry the Dog disliked Saruman which I thought was fitting. He scared the shit out of her and I think she deserved it. But more on that later.  Marshmellows, Nutella, Bananas, and Coconut Crepe. So much sugar. So damn good. Never again. Sunday morning we were up early (like 6:00 am early after going to bed at midnight) and went to breakfast, then drove around town for a little bit to show Leanne’s husband where we “grew up” then hung out at my place til her dog was drugged up enough to get back in the car. After I went shopping with my friend Natalie and while I desperately wanted to buy all the things at Torrid, Famous Footwear and Best Buy, I ended up only getting a movie and yoga strap. Natalie’s boyfriend dropped me off at home, and as soon as I made it up the stairs, Saruman attacked. Apparently I’m just the most inconsiderate roommate ever and she doesn’t like having less than 48 hours notice for guests. I told her to start reconsidering our roommate situation. My friends are my family and if they want to sleep on my couches for one night or twenty, they will never outwelcome their stay. She suggested I put her up in a hotel next time and even called it a brilliant idea. I told her that was under no circumstances ever going to happen. She is not going to rain on my weekend. And then I took a nap. It was a supremely great weekend. I’ve missed my group of friends so much. Hopefully I’ll be going up to visit them in Fairbanks really soon.  Classic Leanne and Lily Fluffbottom We drew moustaches on our faces. With sharpies. circa 2010. What did you do this weekend?I think the reason I’m so bored with my life right now is I do the same thing, week after week. I get up, I go to work, I go to the gym, I go home, I get up, I go to work, I go to school, I go home, repeat times a million. So when days like these roll around, I’m super excited! Tonight, I’m going to see Eddie Izzard. Maybe you’ve never heard of him, he’s awesome. Anyway, hopefully I will not continue to be the laziest blogger on the planet and have a full update tomorrow. In other news, I recently decided that I needed to have a more positive outlook on life. I need to really appreciate the little things, instead of focusing on the ever-growing obstacle-like goals I’ve set for myself. And then… …Last night, I had a dream about Ali from Ali on the Run.Specifically, me, my mom, and her mom were shopping at Bed Bath and Beyond for Christmas gifts. I talked her mom out of getting the crushed red velvet curtains that I would have loved at 16, and again talked her mom out of getting a sheer maroon curtain with big yellow and pink daisy’s near the bottom that Ali would have loved at 14, but maybe not so much now. Then we saw sparkling birthday candle lights that you put on a Christmas tree, and spinning candies lights. Yes, I insisted the mom’s buy them. You’re welcome, Ali. Dreams are awesome, right? So in honor of such an odd dream (considering I’ve never actually spoken to Ali) here is my Thankful Things Thursday list.
I am thankful my friend Heather picked me up a ticket to see Eddie Izzard. He’s doing two shows, and the first one sold out in just a couple of hours. The second one sold out in 5 minutes. The theatre at which he is performing is on the UAA campus, and I think it only holds like 600 people. So I’m very glad she was able to get one for me. I am thankful the weather is finally starting to match other parts of the country. While some part of town are still buried under 5 + feet of snow, all of the sidewalks are clear and I don’t even have to wear those really sweet $100 boots I bought earlier this month. I am thankful the sidewalks are clear cause now I can run outside without worrying I’m going to break my ankle on the unevenly packed snow and ice. Yesterday I ran 3 miles and did 2 miles of intervals around the parkstrip and it was GLORIOUS outside. Nice and chilly facing the wind, but very toasty with the wind at my back. It was just great. \ I am thankful for stickers being left on public things like this. It’s a nice reminder to not get stuck in what hasn’t happened, or what has already happened, and just be.  live in the moment I am thankful for Body Pump classes on Saturdays. I’ve been three times now, and I love the burn. It is such an earned sweat. I am thankful for my job. Even though I get outrageously bored with it occasionally, there’s always something or someone to keep me entertained. Also, my coworkers are awesome. I am thankful for my family who will be running the Portland Rock and Roll Half Marathon with me in May, and the ones who’ll be cheering us on from the sidelines. It’ll be the first time our family connects over exercise and I love it. I am thankful for my Silly-But-Completely-Vintage New Kids on the Block button someone left on my desk last year. Its 6 inches in diameter of Awesomeness.  Aaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhrock!!!
I am thankful for the RunStar app that I downloaded the other day to use as a GPS to track my mileage. I absolutely would not have finished my run without it. It doesn’t calculate splits, but at least I know how much more I have to go before I’m done, and my pace. I love it. I am thankful for tomorrow being 4/20 and Pizza Friday whilst working at an alternative high school. These kids are going to be hilarious with their stoner ways and munchies. I can’t wait.
Do you have any adventures happening this weekend? Anything you’re thankful for today? Do you dream about bloggers you’ve never met, like you’re BFF’s?Last year around this time, I didn’t struggle with food or exercise. I just did it, and I was happy to. This year it seems like all the bad habits I never admitted to, but knew I had, have made permanent residence in my life. I wish things for to change, I make plans for things to change, and then in an instant, I’m doing the same old thing, and hating on myself for it later. I keep waiting for my awesome willpower and strength to shine through and take over. It’s not happening. I feel injured on the inside somehow, and its reflecting in the other parts of my life, particularly food. I tried to remember the rules from last year; Don’t eat in front of back-lit screens, don’t eat when not hungry, record everything that goes in my mouth, and I say, ‘today I implement these things and succeed at my end goal: weight loss’. Half way through the day I just don’t care anymore. My goals then, of course are slightly different then they are now; I didn’t care how much weight I lost, as long as I got healthy and strong. Well, I’m strong now. I don’t know about healthy.And now, I have a tiered goal weight in mind. I know its in me to make this change, and to make it permanent, and you’d think I’d have all the tools I need to be successful. So all I have to do is do it. So what am I waiting for? What am I waiting for?
Lyrics to And I Waited by Hanson I’m doing something I’ve never done before, and I didn’t have a lot of time to plan because I wasn’t sure if I would be participating in this race until just last weekend.
Last year, I ran this race in honor of my father who died suddenly from a heart attack a few years ago.This year, I’m still running in honor of him, but also to beat my time from last year. I think I can do it. Do you think I can do it? Last year I finished in 51:08. In two weeks the Alaska Heart Run will kick off at UAA, and for the first time ever, I’d like to participate more than just my willingness to be there.  After the race in 2011! From the American Heart Association email:
So to you, my readers, I ask, I plead, I beg! If you find yourself with a little extra change and want to put it toward something worth while, Please donate to Alaska Heart Run this year. There are no cool sweaty shirts involved, no prizes to be won, but its a great cause. Where would we be without the continued support of our own hearts?
Thank you very much for reading, considering, and for donating. I love each and every one of you.
Now lets all PR on the 28th!
Have you ever raised funds for a charity race before? What methods did you employ?Food. It always comes back to food.I eat too much “bad” and not enough “good”. There are stretches of days where I can’t remember whether I’ve eaten any vegetables or fruit, probably because I didn’t. I’m not counting that one leaf of lettuce on a sandwich packed full of roast beef and mayo on a hoagie. In the process, my thoughts are disjointed, my vision gets blurry, my workouts suffer, and I’m still stressed all the time. What is it about food that makes one crave it for comfort instead of fuel? Why did I have pizza for dinner when I could have just as easily had salad? When I look in my cupboards, why do write off the potential meals in front of me, and order food instead? Why is it so hard to eat the “right things”? What the hell is this sabotage about? After a year and I’ve the same 20 lbs 5 or 6 times this year. This is not what I want, so why do I do it? What is keeping me from making a choice every second of every day, to do better, to be better? To choose fuel instead of comfort? To find my comfort some other way? Who is stopping me from success, if not myself? If not me, then who?Maybe I’m putting too much thought into this. Maybe I haven’t had nearly enough thoughts to cover it all. There was a time when I listened to my body. A time where I waited until it was hungry to fill it. When I analysed my emotions and refused to eat if I was angry. I lost weight that way. I think its time to get back to that. It sounds like I need a new course of action. One that while allows for ups and downs, curves and straight arrows, also keeps me on track to my goals. My goals used to be get strong and be capable. Well, now I am strong. Now, I am capable.
Its not that I’m not training. Its not that I’m not working hard. I just think I can work harder. I know I can work harder. Sometimes the task of running 13.1 miles feels insurrmountable. As though I didn’t have nearly a year to prepare for it. Maybe I just thought I’d be further along by now. Its not that I don’t know where I’ve gone wrong. Its that I’ve allowed it to continue as long as I have. Now I’m in the 11th hour, and my act is very much not together. I’m scared. No body likes to fail. Maybe no body taught me how to succeed. What I do know is, whether I’m ready or not, this thing is happening. Life is happening. I can jump on board or I can duck and cover. Either way, I’d better be ready for something.  pinterest via http://exilethepoet.tumblr.com
Portland, I’ll see you in 5 weeks. My half marathon training has been kind of up and down these last couple of weeks. I’ve been sick, my lower back hurts sometimes, and I never do anything on the weekends like I’m supposed to. On Monday we had staff training off site, so I ended up not going to the gym. However, I was still pretty sore from body pump so I figured it was okay. But the fact is, this Half is happening in about 6 weeks, and I’m not nearly ready for it. Since I know I’ll be going to body pump on Saturdays from now, at least til I leave for Portland, I’ve changed my schedule so my long runs are on Wednesdays, “recovery” on fridays, Body Pump on Saturdays, and easy/intervals on Mondays. Alaska as finally reached what we like to call Break Up. Everywhere else in the country its called Spring. Its getting warmer, my allergies are acting up, but the snow is slowly melting away… into puddles of ice. Its a glorious mess, particularly for the pedestrians. So for the next few weeks, running outside just isn’t going to happen, which means I need to stop calling the treadmill “dreadmill”, because its about to be my new BFF. |
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